This requires a great deal of humility on my part and I’m happy to eat that pie as I delve into matters that have weighed on me recently.
Growing up, I was a shy and grossly insecure kid who wanted nothing more than to be accepted by others. I was extremely hard on myself and could never live up to my own expectations, which is why I could never accept compliments as they came—even though I cherished them.
My social decorum was largely dictated by my observations of others who I felt had a better handle on how to naturally be around people. To say I didn’t know how to read a room would be a gross understatement and if I were to dictate my inner dialogue at the time, someone might accuse me of being on the spectrum.
The thing is, I was socially awkward, but spent great swaths of energy hiding it. It was a complete facade, but the veneer was transparent and you all saw through it.
Yet, despite seeing my act, you still enjoyed the show. While I interpreted everything through a negative lens and made the worst assumptions of what you thought of me, you treated me very well.
In fact, you were overly supportive and encouraging. I couldn’t see it at the time because I was stuck in my own world of inadequacy, but you were really amazing towards me.
When people speak about advantages in life, I recognize now I was miles ahead of others not because of any financial birthright, but by the incredible people who surrounded me. You encouraged, pushed and inspired me to pursue life to its fullest potential and despite recognizing it decades later, I still want to say thank you.
To my English teachers, who I always held in high esteem but held contempt towards, please forgive my misguided anger. At the mention of me wanting to be a writer, you encouraged me instead to pursue computers and I always held that as tinder to fuel my writing goals. What I recognize now is you weren’t swaying me away from the written word. You simply didn’t see how deeply buried that passion was versus the passion I was visibly showing for the computer field.
To the few who actually bullied and made fun of me, I’ve let that go a long time ago. You don’t get any space in my life or thoughts, but I do hope you’ve matured. If you haven’t or continue to relish in those days, then please politely go perform extremities upon yourself.
To those random strangers who would engage me in the wildest conversations, you certainly made my upbringing interesting as it taught me the wild variance of ways people see the world. I always wondered why you felt comfortable just chatting with me, but I appreciate the kindness in the exchange.
Some people had it real tough growing up and while I faced my own challenges, I think it’s fair to say the only tough part of my early years was never being able to get out of my own way. And now that I’ve removed that roadblock from my existence, I finally see you all there cheering me on.
For that, I love you and I thank you.